Picking Up the Pieces

It’s been so long since I’ve written. It was just days before Sophie died that I wrote the last blog post. It was May 19, 2019. She passed away May 23, 2019, peacefully doing what she loves the most- watching YouTube videos in front of her beloved computer. She knew her plan, we did not. I’ll write that story another day.

I just couldn’t write. I’ve been told that grief does strange things. I love to write, I just couldn’t. I am stronger today than I was even yesterday, so I thought I would honor my child who would be 27 today, on her birthday, by writing again.

Today is her birthday.  She shares it with her Grandfather Bob Prunty, and a sweet special needs friend who preceded her, Megan Turner. I felt it was a good day to try to restart my writing.  It’s taken a long and winding road of trying to find the new me, the new life without Sophie, and in 586 days (1 year, 7months, 6 days) I’m still searching, evolving, learning, and sharing my journey.

As a parent of a medically fragile child, your life is consumed.  When that ends, who are you? I am best known as Sophie’s Mom. I will always be her. But now I have a new title that doesn’t have a name.

At 62 I’m once again re-creating my world. It’s been a few crazy, scary years- divorce, trying to find work, loss of parents, loss of friends, loss of relatives, and loss of Sophie.  And now in a Pandemic that carries so much loss. Grief has become my touchstone. Megan’s Mom showed me an avenue to use my life skills in helping caregivers during and after a life is lost. I thought I’d found my work home, Sophie’s legacy to help others during their journey with Hospice. That opportunity fell apart, but I believe it is one step towards what is my destiny.  I have connected with the Grief Community, and they are showing me the way.

Some are worried that I am “stuck.”  But this is not their journey, nor do I feel stuck.  I feel inspired.  To be of service to others who walk this walk, to understand grief and to work with people and their family who are immersed in the ending.  It is a huge opportunity to let people not fear the end, to go gracefully into the night, to go without pain in all its forms is a greater purpose. Wish me luck! 

My Guardian Angel is always at my side.   

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