Wow. How did I get here?
My contemporaries are contemplating retirement or are there. Most have grandchildren. I grew up fairly affluent, but that is not where I am today. Today I am starting over. As I turn 60 glorious years, I am contemplating my impending divorce and re-inventing myself in my 6th decade. Not where I expected to be. I have a teenager on the edge of adulthood, and a medically fragile 24 year old. A complicated life. Still learning, still reaching, still asking questions.
Seems like last week I was in high school. Yesterday I was a young adult living in the city and following my dreams. Lots of life lived, lots of loss in the last few hours. Time just flies. I remember my parents and grandparents before them say that life goes faster as you age.
I struggle to write these days. I love to write. The complications of raising a medically fragile young adult, being sure I pay attention to her brother, and finding my new way in the world makes the stories jumble in my head. Do I disclose the craziness of our lives to help those who follow in my footsteps? To make even one person or family find an easier path is a humbling goal. This is not an easy life. I didn’t imagine my life as being smooth, but these roads have been filled with challenges that I never ever, in my wildest dreams expected. I’m a mostly positive person, but the past few years have been met with challenges that could bring down even the happiest of folk. I survive on coffee, meditation, medication, and the love of friends.
I had planned on writing this post for weeks. I’m writing this on the eve of my 60th.
The uncertainties of the past year or so are crushing. From contemplating how I am going to survive and thrive, the political craziness that impacts the future for Sophie on so many levels; supports for her that are in constant jeopardy, the drug shortages that put her life at risk. The daunting task of pushing my son into adulthood and his senior year of high school and all that that entails- the hope, the fears, the opportunities.
But she rises.
I believe I have some of the most wonderful friends in the world. They have supported and cheerleaded me through some of my darkest days. I have a group of Moms with special needs kids, my Ya Yas, have seen me through some pretty nasty times. I am fortunate to have friends from high school and college days that I can count on, and fortunate that I can count them on more than one hand. People that have come into my life because of Sophie and stay, some who dance in and out and in again, or keep in touch make me grateful every day.
Grateful for family that has supported me every step of the way. When I walk my dog I think about my angels who watch over me. My list of angels watching over me grows exponentially now. So hard to not have them here to hug, I hope to hear their wise words whisper in my ears as I move forward.
I believe it takes a village. My village. I adore my village. Thank you for these 60 years. I will survive. I will rise. In the words from one of my favorite movies, “It’s A Wonderful Life”, Clarence the Angel: “Remember, George: no man is a failure who has friends.”
Besides, 60 is the new 40, right? 😉